So, Like a Dipshit...(How to Cure Boredom)

So there I was, staring blankly into the bottom of a beer bottle. not really pondering anything.

Life wasn't great. It could have been better. But I didn't have anything demanding my immediate attention. No action was needed on anything. Freedom, however miserable, still seemed like freedom.

I didn't have to ponder anything, so, I didn't. Everything was pretty open-ended.

But as things often do, the situation changed. I was no longer engulfed in the serene emptiness of a Zen-like state. I began to THINK. It filled up the emptiness, til the emptiness was no more.

So, like a dipshit, I got up, attempting to occupy myself with something in the tangible, visceral universe. Perhaps that would stir the thought out of my head. And the thoughts were very random, too, very chaotic and disjointed. There was no beginning or end, just whole lots of middle. Trying to organize them in chronological order, or in any reasonable way at all, was futile.

So, like a dipshit, I decided to go ahead and give this parenting thing a try.

Perhaps the care, attention and worry that must so endlessly be given to another human being, my own spawn, would help me to make sense of the THINK.

At the very least, it might help me to re-focus my attention on something else, so as to better pretend I wasn't engaged in thought at all.

So, like a dipshit, I found someone else to agree to help me give this parenting thing a try. Who knows? Maybe they would be able to get something out of it as well...

9-10 months later, my, OUR, spawn was spawned. Set forth into the universe to disrupt; to create a kicking, screaming, hair-pulling ripple in the fabric of space-time, for all time.

As my, OUR, spawn continued to grow, both in strength and in cleverness, it's very existence began to threaten ours. Constantly accumulating more power, its burgeoning disregard for life, limb and the pursuit of happyness presented us with a considerable challenge, destroying the myths of compassion and reason we once held as the basis, the foundation, of a functioning civilization.

So, like a dipshit, I continued to pump love, food and money into our spawn daily. I refused to accept that Satan occupied the second bedroom of my newly refurbished basement, or that The Morning Star was not a star at all, but rather a bloodthirsty, inhuman terror-packed nightmare ready to pounce on and consume me in my sleep. All it needed was the right moment to strike...

So, like a dipshit, I waited. And I waited, and waited and waited and waited, until finally...

Like a Dipshit, I woke from my trance, finding myself staring into the bottom of an empty beer bottle. I was enjoying the illusion of freedom once more. No THINK anywhere.

Selah

BP

Next Time---I attempt to explain political correctness without offending the reader.




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